Long post warning 👇👇👇
After my divorce and a very nasty separation that led to tons of hate and discontent between my ex-wife and I, a very lengthy court battle ensued for possession of our girls. Looking back, I would have liked to have thought that every move I made at that time was strictly FOR the girls, but there was a lot of selfishness and bitterness driving everything that I did.
At the time I was also beginning to get pretty deep into drugs... especially meth. I specifically remember one day that we had court... I had lost my business, was in the process of losing my house, and had lost any reasonable method of good transportation. I had an old beater car that some amazing friends had let me have/use. But on this day specifically... it legit just wouldn't start.
Court was at 10am and at 8:30 I had just accepted the fact that I wasn't going to make it and was going to lose custody of the girls, which with my drug use probably would have been best for them... but that is a whole other story.
I had another friend whom I confided in a lot at the time who I called, basically to admit my defeat and look for her to tell me it was ok... but she didn't.
I had gotten to a point in my life that I had just accepted who I was and what I was. I thought to myself, this is just who I am now. A loser, a leach, a parasite.
I hated who I was.
While I reached out to this friend just wanting someone to feel sorry for me the way I felt sorry for myself, she refused. She told me how it was... that all I wanted was an excuse to fail. All I did was look for reasons to fail. And she was right.
I hated myself so much - not for what I was doing right then, but for the decisions that I had made in my past that led me to where I was.
This friend came to my house and gave me a choice... get in the vehicle and accept help and get my ass to court, or sit and wallow in my misery.
I went to court.
I have a few friends like this that I will always value and love. Friends that no matter what, have always been true and straight with me.
At the time, I very much felt like I was a victim of circumstance. My car was junk, lost my house, lost my wife, was about to lose my kids... I could go on and on and on and sound as pitiful as you can imagine. But in reality... I was very much a product of my decisions.
We are always one small step and one small decision from a completely different life and you can NOT underestimate the power of changing one TINY habit.
I say this every time I make a post regarding drugs or just life choices in general... but reach out, talk to someone, get a coach, find a friend that isn't going to feed you shit and tell you everything is ok... I've had those friends... they did me NO GOOD.
If you don't know who to talk to, reach out to me... I will be that friend that doesn't feed you any shit.
Much love y'all
Get in the trenches 👊🏼